Real magnolias

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A few years ago, my buddy Paul recommended the movie Magnolia to me. I filed away the suggestion in my gray matter and went about living my idiotic life.

Sometimes I'd look for the movie at the video store or library, but truth be told, I did not make a concerted effort to procure it. However as the readership knows, I recently opened a Netflix account, and some of the first entries in my queue were those long-neglected recommendations, including Magnolia. 

Before we go any further, behold this clip featuring Tom Cruise:



But this story is not about Tom Cruise's basket. This is the story of a girl and a movie.

Magnolia is three hours long. This probably does not strike you as a problem. It is not a problem. A three hour movie, who cares? Particularly when one is watching said movie at home and one has in their possession a remote control (aka clicker). But for whatever reason, the length of Magnolia was problematic for me.

People, watching any movie is not easy for me. First you have the obvious stuff, then you have all the other stuff. In the clip above, for instance, in addition to watching Cruise's dork bounce around I am worried about the wardrobe person who was tasked with making Cruise's nether region look just so. I mean COME ON ... talk about your delicate tasks ...

As the movie unfolded, I noticed no one was using cell phones and plenty of people were lighting up wherever they wanted. I checked the date of the movie.

1999

What does it say about a person when it takes that person 13 years to realize a friend's movie suggestion? I do not know, but there you go. And people, the Magnolia trauma does not end there.

Magnolia is a complex movie with lots of characters. It's peppered with one jarring scene after another. I only got through about an hour and a half during my first bout with the movie, which I had to rewatch the next day. During that session, I bumbled through two hours. When I sat down to finally finish the thing, the clicker crapped out and that threw me into a tailspin (also, is it just me or are all DVD players defective on some level?). Fortunately the Goat and some new batteries got me back in business.

When I finally got to the end of Magnolia, I had a flimsy handle on the plot, characters, etc. All that went right out the window with a twist I will not spoil other than to say it is circuitously tethered to this post.

What does it say about a person when it takes that person four days to watch a movie that a friend recommended 13 years prior? Once again, I do not know, but I do know this: These strange things happen all the time.



Frankly, I'm exhausted.

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