The Grim Reaper, part two

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Some people know the Grim Reaper better than others. I know him pretty well and I can tell you that the Grim Reaper is an inarguable guy. He's got one job. It's the same job for each of us. And he gets it done every single time. He has never failed--not once.

You will eventually report to him, whether it's in ten years or ten minutes. So will your kids, everyone you ever tangled with between the sheets, everyone you ever loved, everyone you ever hated and everyone else.

Grim is close. Sometimes you feel him, sometimes you don't. Doesn't matter. He's there, perched on your shoulder, waiting.

You'd think Grim is a one-note guy, but he's not. Grim's not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. He sighs with disappointment over the guy who drives 60 MPH in the right hand lane and loves a Hotballs weaving in and out of traffic at 85 MPH atop his Kawasaki Ninja.

The Grim Reaper sends everyone associated with Philip Morris and its minions a fruit basket for the holidays.

Thanks for making my job that much easier.

Guns? No one loves guns more than the Grim Reaper. Guns make suicides a snap and transform arguments and "accidents" into neat transactions, with all the bodies delivered straight to Grim's door.

Guns are the mass murderer's weapon of choice for a reason. Grim LOVES mass murders.

Code orange news alert: the more you're around guns, the more likely you are to get shot. Up the odds by flashing those guns around. Go on and bellow, I'm a proud gun owner! at the top of your lungs, post pictures on the Internet, show those guns off--and watch the Grim Reaper inflate with glee.

I'll bet if this guy didn't buy and sell guns his son would be alive.

I'll bet if this woman didn't have a gun she'd still have a husband.

I'll bet if this guy hadn't "taught" his three-year old how to shoot, the kid would have made it to his fourth birthday.

I'll bet any of those things could happen to all the smug gun owners who are reading this and thinking this would never happen to me. The Grim Reaper thinks so too.

Chris Kyle's and Nancy Lanza's unwavering belief in The Gun is partly what killed them. Go ahead and argue the point. The Grim Reaper couldn't care less.

Now then, gun owners, I invite you to 'fess up. What was your moment? Ever misplace a gun? Ever have one go off when you didn't expect it to? Ever breathe a sigh of relief when a stray bullet just missed your buddy?

The Grim Reaper was there, my friend, whispering damn under his breath at each lost opportunity.

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