Three short acts featuring the Ghost of Cleveland Present
Hey man, you ever see a Toynbee tile? Come on, take a hold of my sleeve and we'll fly. Don't worry, you can do it. It's easy. Just grab a hold.
See? It's not so bad, like gliding in a dream. Okay, here we are--West 3rd and Prospect. Time to land.
There are Toynbee tiles all over creation, but no one knowswhat they mean. You're talking your real-life mystery here. No one knows who put them there or quite how they did it. You want to believe that vapors might seep out of theToynbee tile that you could sniff up like the Oracle of Delphi and havevisions. And if you don't get any vapors and visions, maybe the thing will emit mysterious raysthat'll fly you up to space where you'll learn important space alien secrets.
Well, maybe not.
But hey--it's still a Toynbee tile and it's right next tothe Ritz Carlton, where you have your Ritz doorman with his long stiff coat andfurry hat. Although he looks sort of like one of the guards patrolling in frontof the Wicked Witch's castle (sans evil spear), he's totally cool. Instead ofbeing all I'm-the-Ritz-Doorman-who-the-hell-are-you, he's utterly righteous andeven asks people diggin' on the Toynbee tile (like us) what they think the crazy thing is all about.
Who needs vapors and space rays? You're talking to the RitzCarlton's front man. You're seeing that Toynbee tile.
You are so down.
Hey man, you hungry? Come on. Let me take you over to theSlavic Village Deli.
Brother, you see those empty lots down there like missingteeth lining the streets? Every one of 'em used to have a house that's since been torndown on account of that being a better option than leaving it vacant. Butsometimes this town's heart beats strongest where the fabric isworn thinnest, and while this neighborhood may be torn and frayed, theheartbeat at the Slavic Village Deli will not be denied.
Now up front you've got your deli. You're talking yourhomemade Polish sausages and bakery--old school from the bottom up. And thepretty girl with the Polish accent and the apron hanging around her hips in away that makes boys swoon will wrap up all your stuff in white paper so perfectly,you'll practically weep. Now follow me. The dining room is in back.
Slow-cooked kielbasa and sauerkraut? We've got that. Cabbageand noodles? Check. Homemade mashed potato and stuffed cabbage? No problem.
Now, I'm not trying to freak you out or anything, butsometimes when you eat a slice of the poppy seed pound cake, your eyes will get all goo-goo and your heart will grow three sizes too big like that green ol' Doc Seuss dude. No, no--don't worry. It doesn't hurt a bit.
Hey man, you ever see a blimp house? Come on. Grab the sleeve--you know the drill by now. Let me takeyou over to the blimp house.
Wow. would you dig that.
I know. You're wondering about theblimp activities going on inside the blimp house. Of course the blimps may beout blimping, but even so, you want toyell: Hey man! What's going on inside that blimp house?
Don't worry. It's perfectly normal to become excited whilevisiting the blimp house. It happens to most everyone.
Wouldn't it be great if the blimp house magically opened up and released a whole bunch ofblimps like so many giant balloons? They'd all come floating outof that blimp house and go up up up in the air and blimp around the sky.
And if none of that cool stuff happens, you can stillbe happy that you are visiting the blimp house. You can smile. You can wink.You can inhale. You can exhale.
You can dance madly backwards until the world disappears.
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